When my wife and I got our first positive pregnancy test, she asked me if we were really ready to be parents.
To be honest, I kind of laughed at her question. Of course she was ready to be a mom; she's smart, adaptable, levelheaded, mature, loving, fun, and not to mention she has one of the best and closest families I know, with all her siblings and nephews (4 of them) living within 15 minutes of each other. She was (and is) the perfect example of the kind of mom a kid would dream to have.
And as for me; of course I wasn't ready to be a dad. My kid will be the first grandkid on my side of the family. And yes, I have 4 nephews I've watched growing up, but to them I'm the fun uncle, who they probably see more as a peer than an example. My 7 year old nephew already thinks he's smarter than I am because he kicks my ass at memory games and puzzles and pretty much everything else. My uncle experience is pretty much 0% transferable to fatherhood.
And that's why I thought her question was funny; to me it was obvious that she was ready and I wasn't.
Thinking about that moment now, it's obvious that neither of us was (or is) ready. Every parent says there's nothing that can prepare you for parenthood, and I've always believed them. A lady on my flight the other week said she has a 7 year old and still has no clue what she's doing. I've long since accepted that trying to prepare for parenthood is like being a doomsday prepper; whether you dig yourself a bunker or buy a shit ton of canned beans or master the art of surviving in the woods, you're still making a wild ass guess about what the end of the world will be like, and the chances you get it right are basically zero.
There are a lot of experts out there creating parenting sites and blogs. I'm not creating DadQuest because I'm an expert. I'm creating it because I believe having someone to learn with who's also a beginner is important. You wouldn't teach a kid to play soccer by throwing him onto the field with a bunch of pro athletes; you put him on the field with other kids his age and watch them bumble around together as they figure it out. That's what I want to be. Not an expert, but a fellow kid who picks daisies on the field next to other kids who are all just trying to figure it out. But for fatherhood.
My biggest personal dream is to give my kid the best life I possibly can. But as I look at the community I have, from my own parents to the great parents around me, I think about how fucking impossible this would be without that network. I'm so privileged it's absurd. And the only thing I can think of to do with that privilege is to share it; with my kid, and with anyone reading this.
These are my goals for DadQuest
- Share my fatherhood journey
- Share what I learn from my network of other parents
- Donate any proceeds to charity
If you choose to be a paid subscriber, all of your money will go straight to the DadQuest charity of the year. As the community grows, we'll open up voting for which charity we choose to support. For year 1, I've chosen the YMCA because, well, I love being a member at the YMCA and they support a wide variety of good causes in my local community and many others. It also ties into the traditional masculine dadness of this page because of all the sports programs they have, if that's something you're into — but that's not a requirement for the charities I plan to support, and the Y also does a lot more than just sports.
So if you're into dadness, starting your own Dad Quest, or just want to tell me how wrong I am about anything, subscribe or drop a comment!
Sharing our knowledge is what this is all about, so all comments are welcome. The only rule: you're not allowed to call anybody dumb but me. Should be easy.